Stephen vs. Religion

While I was reading A Portrait of An Artist as a Young Man, I saw the recurring theme of religion as a big, and complicated part in Stephen’s life. I’ve thought for a while now that Stephen’s faith in the first half on the book, even during his extremely devout stages, is fueled not by religious devotion but by fear (of going to hell). The first mention of this I saw in the book would have to be at Clongowes right before he goes to bed. He said he had to,”.. undress and then kneel and say his own prayers and be in bed before the gas was lowered so that he might not go to hell.” I interpreted this passage as Stephen feeling as though he must do this because his teachers have scared him into believing. I mean, at this point, Stephen is a little kid, and I bet that if you tell a six-year old about how he should behave and that he might go to hell, it would obviously frighten them. Even when he prays you can tell that it’s not genuine, and “from the heart” per se, but more like repeating something absent-mindedly.

Another scene further on in the book that I think that ties in nicely with this is the incredibly intense, graphic, and terrifying sermon and the confession following it. Dedalus feels so impacted by the sermon, so much so that he even threw up. He felt as though the sermon had been directed towards him and repents and ends his sinful ways rather abruptly. The chapter ends with Stephen sighing in relief that his soul is being saved. We also have talked about Stephen wanting things for all the wrong reasons, and I think this is an example of this. I mean, of course we see that he highly regrets his actions, but I feel that a bigger part of him having repented was just to know that he was safe from going to hell, almost protecting himself. He does this for himself and not as much for the whole religiously deeper meaning of, “I changed to please God and to be able to do God’s bidding.” And also, when he is acting pious after his confession, he goes overboard, and I perceived this as him doing it just trying to please God, and kind of make the argument that he still feels bad about his sins, so he is still worth saving, and doesn’t have to go to hell.

This was just my interpretation of Stephen’s take on religion in the first part of the book. As he gets older, particularly towards the end of the book, his views become more complex, but earlier on in the book this idea was something that really caught my attention. The way Joyce described it seemed quite personal, and one of the things that I think Joyce wanted to say with this was that being forced into believing eventually unconsciously pushed him away from the religion.

Coming of Age

I’ve always wanted to grow up. There was always something so fascinating about being an adult to me because I loved the idea of things like getting to drive and work, of being independent and having money to buy things. When I was little, I idolized the mere idea of coming of age because I thought one day everything would magically come together and I would live the ideal life, like someone on TV. To my little five-year old self, coming of age meant getting to live the perfect life, own a big house, have a glamourous job, wear makeup, and even own a pet. I realize now that it’s much more complex than that. 

I agree with a point we had during class discussion that went something along the lines of, “...the majority of the change that happens with coming of age is more internal than anything else...” Like we see with Stephen, most of his changes occur within himself; how he sees himself and how he sees himself in relation to the world. He started out quite innocent and inexperienced in mind and body, but then later on his mind and actions get tainted and unchaste. I can relate to this change in perspective and actions, obviously not to the extent at which Stephen took it, but in small changes that I can see in myself. For example, I’ve lost my childish perceptions on vocabulary, in particular, swearing. Now, I hardly ever do this in general, but it isn’t at all the unspeakable act it used to be when I was a kid. When I was little, I was told that the word “stupid” was the foulest thing a human being could say, and I used to call it the “s” word. Now I know that that’s just silly, and I’ve grown up to be more accepting of different aspects of the world, like crude language, although I don’t try to swear.

Another significant point that shows the complexity of this idea was the something else that stood out to me in our coming of age discussion. I can definitely relate to it and it’s the fact that you don’t know when this process is happening to you, but when you reflect upon it, you recognize that you went through changes and aren’t the same person you were two years ago, or even a few months ago. Something small for me would probably be about getting my license six months ago, and the fact that I’ve had to be a lot more responsible. Starting even sophmore year I was still nervous about the idea of driving alone and going places without a family member because I’d never done anything like it before. Now, driving alone isn’t something that makes me uneasy at all, and I enjoy it. I don’t think once in this past year did I think, “Oh my gosh, I am undergoing emotional development on a path leading to adulthood!” I kind of just had to step up and be more independent because I was required to. I just think that it is so amazing how oblivious we can be to something so huge that is happening in our lives. At least for me, I couldn’t tell because these small changes manifested themselves in the small, everyday parts of my day. 

I could go on and on about this, but I’ve come to the conclusion that coming of age is really complicated, not in a bad way, just in a way that makes it hard to come up with a perfect definition that fits everyone. And, like I can see within myself, and we have seen with Stephen Dedalus, it’s also something not entirely visible to the naked idea, but more intrinsic to our souls/ minds.